So I started a course with Mindvalley and one of the main points I have found in the Bending Reality course was the forgiveness meditations. They are emotional but once you do them for a short while I noticed that people just didn’t upset me anymore. I think when you realise that a negative emotion or reaction has such an impact on your own wellbeing you make sure that you keep your emotions in check. It is not to say that you wont and don’t feel things, of course you do. But you do not stay in that emotion and you learn to not react so quickly.
Vishen from Mindvalley is an amazing teacher and his 6 phase meditation can be found on YouTube for free. You can also practice his forgiveness meditation. This may take as little as 5 minutes to go through a forgiveness meditation.
Vishen visited the 40 years of zen programme. Now its not something within my price range but it is a very good article to read as it proves that the forgiveness meditation changes your brain waves to promote calmer better feelings.
The Secret Is Forgiveness
Forgiveness. by Vishen
We had to forgive every single person in our lives who had wronged us. Even if it was in the slightest way imaginable.
I had to forgive high school teachers. Business partners. Family members. Everyone I could think of that I believed wronged me, big or small.
And every time I did a round of forgiveness, my alpha waves would spike. The people behind the program discovered that the single biggest factor suppressing alpha waves are holding on to grudges and anger. So it was critical for us to be able to release every last bit of it out of our system.
The method that they taught us was unbelievably effective.
Step 1: Set The Scene
Firstly, with your eyes closed and for about two minutes or so, bring back all the anger, frustration and pain you felt when someone in your life wronged you. Feel yourself in that very moment when it happened and picture the same environment you were in when you interacted with them. (To give you an example, in one of my sessions I imagined my bullying school headmaster in the same basketball court where he had made me stand for hours in the hot sun as punishment.)
Step 2: Feel The Anger And Pain
As you see the person who “wronged” you in front of you, get emotional. Relive the anger and pain. Feel it burn. But don’t do this for more than a few minutes.
Once you bring up these emotions that these people created in you, move on to the next step…
Step 3: Forgive Into Love
See that same person in front of you, but instead, feel compassion for them. Ask yourself what did I learn from this? How did this situation make my life better?
As I was doing this, I remembered a quote from one of my favorite authors, Neale Donald Walsch, “[God] sent you nothing but angels.” Everyone who has ever entered our lives, even those who have hurt us, are nothing more than someone to teach us an important lesson.
So think about what lessons you could derive from this situation as painful as it might be. How did these lessons make you better? Or help you grow?
Next, think about who this person is. What pain or anguish could they have have gone through in their life that made them do what they did.
One of my friends has a quote that I love, “Hurt people hurt people.” It implies that those who hurt others, are doing it because at some level they were hurt too.
So think about how they may have been hurt in their own childhood or in their recent years.
I saw the man who had stolen from me and I tried to imagine him as a little boy in his childhood. Perhaps he came from poverty. Perhaps he had an abusive father. Perhaps his life was a constant struggle and the only means of survival as a child was to steal.
Now there’s something important to distinguish here. “Forgiveness To Love” does not mean to simply let go (in my case, to drop the charges against him with the police). You still need to protect yourself and take action if need be. Criminal acts, especially, need to be reported to authorities.
But what it does mean is that the pain of what happened no longer eats at you.
Another important thing I learned from this experience was that you don’t have to ask the other person to forgive you. You just have to forgive them. And that’s completely within your control. Dave Asprey says that when you start doing this, you become “unf*ckwithable”.
So I can’t recommend this powerful meditation program enough. Quantified Self is an amazing movement and it’s also deeply shifted my view of meditation. If I recommend meditation now, I would say that finding a method that measures what you’re experiencing as you meditate is the best way to go. Which is why I am now working with Dave Asprey and I’m determined to see how we can take this type of technology more accessible to the wider public.
~ Vishen Lakhiani